Where it all started (part 1)

I can't really pinpoint the time when I started doubting my faith. It happened very gradually, but I'm pretty sure it started with one innocent question -- "What if?" What if the things I believe aren't true? What if there's no heaven? What if there is no after-life? What if there is no God? After realizing I didn't get struck by lightning for even asking such a thing, I began the small steps of a long journey.

I attended a baptist university in Texas for four (or was it five?) years. This wasn't one of those left-wing liberal universities that have been accused of brainwashing our youth with "science" and "reason". We were required to take two semesters of "chapel", and two semesters of religious studies (chapel basically consisted of a half hour of worship music, followed by a half hour lecture or presentation). I was in a Christian fraternity, and all of my room-mates were Christian. Heck, practically everyone I knew was a Christian. I was never turned off by Christianity, and I've never had a bad experience with the church that led me turned me away from it. So needless to say, any conclusions I came to in college were completely on my own.

While talking to my brother, I came up with an example of one of these questions that had been floating around in my mind. There was a time in college where I was going through a rough spot in my life. I remember attending church, and listening to the worship music, and feeling such powerful emotion that I considered it a spiritual experience. The music wasn't your traditional church hymns -- it was a genre that identified with my generation, a sort of Dave Matthews flavor. I went away feeling refreshed and good about my life. I felt like I had a new perspective on things.

Later that week I was in my car and was listening to some movie soundtracks I had burned to a CD. I love movies, and I really love a good instrumental score from the likes of Danny Elfman or John Williams. I noticed that this music evoked nearly the same emotion in me that the music from church did. This made me re-think the feelings I had when I was at church. Were the feelings I had from God? Or was it all in my head? This then caused me to wonder what else about my beliefs were based solely on feelings, or on what "felt good" to me. While I don't think this was the defining moment of my skepticism, it's one example that I can recall that led me to question my faith.